I Want, Truly
I think it’s apparent that I’ve done a lot of settling in my dating life. Ask any of my friends or family (especially my mother 😏💕).
I’ve written two previous blogs titled “I Want” and “I Want, Really,” but today, we have “I Want, Truly.” I like to use the word truly in my writing. Can you tell? Will there be another “I Want, ____?” Maybe, probably.
I’ve never had a list of things that I want in a spouse, but it’s time to make one.
I have been a widow for a little over two years now. With that being said, I’ve been basically single for two years/lonely for two years. I’ve had relationships, but they weren’t soul connections. One was, but we all know how that went. If you know, you know.
I’m ready to love again. I want to love again. But unfortunately, until God wants that, it won’t happen. 🥴❤️ #imacontrolfreak
I’ve tried to date people, but every time, it backfires in my face. 🏳
It’s like, “Okay, God.” OBVIOUSLY I’m not supposed to be with anyone yet. But, like, I don’t want to wait forever though, ya know? 😅 I deserve happiness just like the next person. I want that white picket fence life with some spice, but it’s not my time yet. Until then, I have to live my white picket fence life that I’ve chosen for myself, I have to choose myself.
I see my worth. My friends see my worth. God sees my worth. My family sees my worth. It’s time for a man to see my worth. Until then, y’all can watch me rock it. Because I’m never truly alone. I have all of my people, my God, and my animals. I don’t need a spouse, but I want one; it is one of the truest desires of my heart. Being a mother is one of the truest desires of my heart. And if I delight myself in my God, He’ll give me the desires of my heart if it fits what He wants for me; He will give me the desires that I had no idea I had.
Psalm 37:4 ❤️
So, the LIST. Let’s give it a go:
1) Career driven. No more scrubs, no more bums.
2) Adventurer, but also grounded.
3) MUST love The Lord and push me to be a better daughter of the King.
4) They must want to talk. That should not be asking too much. Like ever.
#knowwhattoexpect
5) Must be okay with being a social butterfly, but also be at home as well. Must challenge me to stay home more.
6) We must grow from each other, challenge each other, nurture each other. No more toxic-ish.
7) Must want to learn about my past because the past is relevant.
8) Must understand and accommodate my emotional triggers, must put in that effort.
9) Must be able to call me out on my sh*t and not be afraid to stand up to me.
10) Be intellectual.
11) Be able to stand for something.
12) Must want to get to know my Matt.
I want someone in their proposal or in their vows to say, “I want to take care of you in the way Matt no longer can.”
I want my future spouse to be someone that God has for me because let’s face it: having anyone that’s not is just a true waste of time and energy.
I’ve always seen where people will pray for their future spouse and I’ve always thought that was admirable (they must have a lot of self control and patience 😳). I’m going to start doing that (praying for my spouse and myself) everyday. I’m going to hope that someone is out there for me, surely they are. I’ll ask God to prepare me. And prepare me. And to help me slow down. And be okay with being in this stage of life. I’ll ask God for that person and if He doesn’t see fit, then I’ll have to accept that and He’ll prepare me for that. All things work for my good. Romans 8:28♥️
I’ve never really understood why I don’t have a line of suitors waiting on my hand.
I want someone to look at Anna and say, “I’m never letting her go.” Anna is as precious as rubies. Come on, now. I need to live by this principle and verse to a T. It’s time I do not settle for people who not know that as well. I must have respect for myself and if I allow others to disrespect me, that’s disrespecting self too.
“Even If” by MercyMe.
Until it’s my time in God’s timing, I’m married to the grind, also my book. Who’s ready for the first book?! I’m been ready since I was 15. 😏🥴
Now, this doesn’t mean I won’t get frustrated. Or mad. Or struggle being happy for people.
You have to have positive in the negative and negative in the positive. My science people reading, you’ll appreciate that.
As The Hunger Games states and something I always say: hope is ALWAYS > than fear.
Keep the faith.
Love y’all and appreciate ya, my loyal readers -
A