Welcome to the “Dark Side”

D e p r e s s i o n.

What a fun subject. Depression is not something I’ve really dealt with before other than when I have a breakdown and I am numb or shall I say “depressed” for a little while (a few hours). And honestly…it’s a relief {from my anxiety}.

I’ve had a long journey with my anxiety. I have had it since I was basically in the womb, like for-real. I’ve been on and off medicine, taken supplements, my anxiety has changed over the years. I wish that I could not care as much as a normal person. I wish that I didn’t obsess over anything. I wish.

But.

Without that, I wouldn’t be Anna.

I feel that I have everything that I want except for a few things. Or at least everything that I “should” have to be successful. But do I have what’s necessary to make ANNA happy?

A few weeks ago, I laid in bed at night and just cried. In my head, I said to God, “just go ahead and take me.” Why am I going through this? What is the purpose of this? To help someone else? To be an inspiration to someone else? When is someone else going to be an inspiration to me? When can I take this backpack off my back? When is somebody else going to help carry my load? When is someone going to step up and look at me and take my hand and never let go. Or say, “Why do you feel like you almost have to do it alone?”

Why is it that I feel that I have to do it alone? Because I have trust issues.