Some Hearts
“Some Hearts” by Carrie Underwood used to be one of my favorites and still is. Give it a listen if you haven’t heard that one. Carrie Underwood is one of my favorites as well as that song! Sweet childhood memories. As well as “Mississippi Girl” by my girl Faith Hill.
As I talked to a friend tonight, I am noticing that my heart is different and maybe is even different than most. I am different than most (which is totally okay).
There is not a single human on this earth that is just like us. Which is a lonely thought.
I carry my emotions on my sleeve and I care. Sometimes, I am selfish. But I do care millions about what other people think of me, my decisions. And that is very unhealthy. I have to work on this. You know that self care and loving yourself? It really is important. Eventually, the distractions will wear out. This happened to me recently. And there I was, emotionally miserable.
I don’t have to be invited to every party to be liked. I don’t have to be at every event to be remembered. To be fulfilled.
I was sitting at dinner the other night and I listened to my dear friend who I am very excited about talk to her husband. The reoccurring idea came to me: it seems impossible that anyone would ever care about me like that again.
Insert that meme where, ya know, you turn your head and your eyes the opposite way… I wish Squarespace would let me post pictures on blogs because YOU KNOW I would post a selfie of this meme. 🤣 y’all love me.
So, again, my motivational app, special shout-out to Holly for showing me this app, for coming in clutch again. While I am writing this, on my cellular device, with barely any service, under the hair dryer, with my back sweat, but fabulous hair, it tells me, “I am not afraid to be different.” 😳 Didn’t I just say I was different? 😏
If you think about it, ponder on it, there is no “normal.” Yes? Yes. We are all different. Each created with a specific purpose(s) and created individualistically. So let’s quit trying to fit inside a boring Jello mold of people who we are not. I wrote in my last blog I think about do not settle for anyone other than yourself. Because I wasted years doing that. Let me repeat myself:
Do not go another day without knowing who you are and embracing yourself.
YOU and GOD are the only constants in your life, really. Be thankful for that spouse. Be thankful for the snoring (🥴). Be thankful for the incorrect way they do laundry. I promise it’s a lot better than them being six foot under. Sorry to be morbid… but we’ve established I can be that way. Hence I have a blog titled, “Morbid.”
As I sit on this couch, our couch, as I used to as I sat in many places in the house talking about the one, I am thinking about it. Thinking about that person. Listening to music I listened to, but they never really paid attention to. They never really paid attention to me. And they were my world. One thing with emotional abuse is you will feel like you want to talk about the situation. And talk about it. It takes time, but it does get better. I cannot stress enough how hard emotional abuse is. So please, educate yourself on it.
When I think and talk about when I said, “I’ll never let this happen again,” my therapist and I think about the big WHY? And why I’m so protective over my loved ones and not so much myself. Thought. Solution. And can’t get it fast enough.
Maybe I fear I’ll loose everyone. Or maybe really find out one’s intentions in my life. Or may fear not being liked. Which is insane. And here comes another coping mechanism…
When I think about the time it will take to truly heal from all of this ish, I feel lazy and UGH. It’s their fault and it’s my fault; I allowed it. Don’t allow it, y’all. I promise that (and I cannot believe I’m saying this) the what ifs are better than the scars. Because I’ll have this scar forever now. Thanks, yes mam.
EMDR therapy really helped me with my first round of emotional abuse. Hopefully my brain remembers how to process things now. Is that a joke? JK.
Not everyone has the same heart as you. And not everybody cares. You cannot be liked by everyone.
Do yourself a favor:
1) Find yourself
2) Have God as your rock because He is the only one always there anyways
3) Have faith
4) Have hope (hope>fear)
5) Be authentic and accept yourself. Be the different one.
That’s all, folks.
Until next tea,
Anna