I’m Coming Out

I’ve seen how hard it is to be gay.

I’ve seen the cuts up and down my friend’s thigh. I’ve been in the hospital waiting room waiting on him after he swallowed a bottle of pills to kill himself. I’ve sat there with his family knowing it was their fault that he was in this condition. I read his suicide letter and everything. I was one of the slivers of hope he had left.

I’ve seen people be in the closet for a long time. And honestly, I don’t know how they did/do it. The few short months I was closeted, I hated not being able to spread my wings.

I’ve seen people not want to be gay. I’ve seen them try to be straight.

It’s not a phase. It’s who you are.

It’s not wrong.

It’s not a sin.

I’m gay, and Jesus still loves me.

No, I haven’t been gay since I can remember, but I’m still gay. As the LGBTQ+ community, we need to be better at acceptance.

When I was younger, I was never really around any lesbians.

I had gay guy friends, but never girls. I would have, but I just didn’t have any.

I remember being around two female friends that I had that my female gay-dar went off for, but it wasn’t confirmed to me. When I thought they may have had a crush on me, I felt overwhelmed and like I needed to run. I don’t know why, but it made me almost uncomfortable.

Now that I look back, I can see it.

I was married to a man and he made me a widow at 23. He was only 24. And I had to experience that kind of trauma at a very young age just when things were “right” in my life.

At 26, I am now a lesbian. At 25, I discovered I was gay. I came out as bisexual, but overtime, realized it was a woman that I was missing. I am very blessed to have found this love, true and unconditional love. A fearless and a love that has no bounds. I am so blessed to have found her. It didn’t start out that easy, though. At all. The road to find her as been hell.

I’ve never felt this fulfilled in life and in a partnership.

I believe that some people question my sexuality. And that’s fine. But they’re not me. “Do you love her like a sister?” “But you were married to a man?”

That doesn’t make me any less gay.

Years ago, “I’d treat you better than these men would,” my good friend jokingly told me. I was flattered, but didn’t think much of it. She made me realize I liked women.

Now I know why being in the locker room or in the dressing room with other women made me uncomfortable because I was scared they would think I was looking at them.

Now I know why I was overly territorial with my female friends.

It has all come full circle and makes sense now.

That girl I worked with years back, who I was always looking forward to seeing, would be my first female experience and she made me realize I could love again after such trauma and such a loss.

A year later, I had my first girlfriend. And it was great, at first. And then it wasn’t.

A month later, I met her. I found my wife.

To be continued.

Happy Pride Month, my lovelies!

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

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