Respect

Let’s talk about MENTAL HEALTH. One of my favvvvvvorite subjects. You can’t see that the title was “Introversion.” I, myself, am an extrovert. I am a very relationship based person; that is a good and bad thing. As are a lot of things.

Before we get started, here is one rule I want you to keep with you while reading this:

Mental health is NOT an excuse to continue mistreating someone else. Especially after you’ve been given another chance(s).

If that hurts your feelings, keep reading. I used to emotionally abuse my old best friend. Why do you think I’m not her best friend anymore?

Does being an introvert warrant you to not talk to your friends for hours at a time when you normally talk all the time? What about your girlfriend/boyfriend? Or what about after you’ve told them what to do when they feel they’re starting their “funk” and they still don’t do it? When does that line become blurry? When does it become disrespect?

I know I’ve hurt people over and over and over and over because of anxiety. I’ve lost two romantic relationships (two of which wanted to marry me) because of that anxiety. Well, because of my actions because of anxiety. Mental health isn’t always the bad guy, our actions are. I tend to test people, though. I’ve had a lot of people leave. A lot. And that’s okay. It sucks. It hurts. It’s pain and insecurities that stay with me, but it doesn’t define me. You learn that people come and go. The ones who really are there will be there. Period. There’s also a fine line of “well, when do I say enough is enough?” When is it justifiable to end the relationship (without guilt)? I know I was reallllly hurt when my fiance left me because he couldn’t give me another chance. I don’t really want to do that to somebody else. But when do you have to?

Allowing disrespect to yourself is also allowing yourself to disrespect you.

The fact of the matter is…why would I deal with your bs if someone else is just gonna treat me better (more of what I deserve?) Writing this blog helps me understand why, let’s just say Jacob, Jacob left me. I get it now. Wow. You just witnessed a realization from me! How cool!

It wasn’t the right time. Nor was it right period.

Respect is key in a relationship.

Yes. everyone messes up. But when you do it over and over and over and over and just keep doing it…there’s a respect problem. That (more than likely) shows that that person isn’t ready. Right? Well, how do we know that? We really don’t. Everyone is different.

As a victim of emotional abuse, it’s easy to throw around that word: emotional abuse. It’s easy to look for it sometimes. I don’t know, that may just be me. Emotional abuse is one that sticks with you for a while. I’ve been an emotional abuser and also have been emotionally abused. It sucks. Having anxiety sucks. I went through trauma reprocessing therapy because of it. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Admitting when you’re wrong (accountability) is important, but also, respect for oneself. Am I right? I am such a relationship based person. It’s not easy for me to just be “done” with someone. And that often times fades away. I always will care for that person. I’m going to take that as a positive. But it’s also a negative because other people really aren’t like that. Yes? They are just done with ya and that’s that. … oh.

Having to beg for that attention in the relationship is not okay.

Leaving someone on read for that you’re supposed to be dating is not okay (especially when the relationship is forreal struggling, am I right?).

Making someone feel anxious, unsettled, insecure, unsure, when you know how to fix it, is not okay either.

Blaming someone for your actions is not okay. We can only control ourselves. Thoughts like, “well, if I would’ve done this, he wouldn’t have felt that he had to walk on eggshells around me.” No mam, no sir. That is not a healthy response. Also, let’s talk about why she made him feel that way. Maybe he would’ve acted right in the first place and listened to her and what bothers her and what triggers her, there wouldn’t even be this issue.

Make changes if you see an issue within yourself. Because at the end of the day, we don’t want people to leave us. People should be loyal. And that’s why situations like this are so hard. But if they’re not giving you a leg to stand on, really, why stress it? Why carry their weight? They’ll realize it eventually. It just may not fit in the respect of yourself timeline. That’s up to you to decide.

At the end of the day, one can only control oneself. As hard as that is. It is so hard when we just want that person to act right and put in their effort that they don’t put in enough of. But we can’t control them. We can only decide what we do with that.

What will you do with that? Female made to feel anxiety, disappointment, feeling of ripping hair out. Female disrespected. They will no more cause me anxiety or stress. It’s time to just do it or step out of line because if not, I will outgrow you. 😘

Be accountable, my friends.

xoxo

Anna

ps - another blog named “Reflection” will be coming out soon. Let’s think about why we allow ourselves to settle for less.