Rolling in the Deep

“Rolling in the Deep” is a song by the lovely Adele, a song I like to sing. And am decent at. He never heard me sing this song. And if he ever does, it will be from a distance. He will never get that close to me again. That was his choice. He made his bed. He has to lay in it. I, often times, have issues with the T word:

TRUST.

don’t you?

Love is a strong word. But is also a strong action. Am I right? (Yes). Love is hard. Love should be strong. It should be guaranteed. But we have to remember, humans aren’t God and they can’t have total God love. Sometimes we expect that. I know I have and still do. And it’s so unrealistic and an insult to God, right? It is but it isn’t. In a way, it’s a compliment. Because we shouldn’t settle for a man who doesn’t love us like Jesus does, right? Right. Even though love like Jesus’s is not even possible as a human. But we can get darn near close here on earth. I had/have that with my Matt. I’ve pushed a great friend away who had a relationship with because, I don’t know why. Trust issues. Fear of letting love in. Going and looking for it in other men. It’s harsh, but it’s true. That’s how love should be: true. And sometimes harsh. But not always tough love.

Anyways - back to the title. The words to the song are incredibly relevant to what I’ve been dealing with for the past 2 months: a guy who wasn’t really who I thought he was. Sure he may be a good and great guy, but that doesn’t mean that he or his actions up to par to what it should be. That’s harsh, but hey, whatever helps you get through the day, right? I told myself I wouldn’t write another blog about this situation, but hey, we all change our mind. He changed his mind about me, therefore, I can change my mind about my blog. About my opinion on him. Just like other people have changed their opinions on me. On him after this. It happens. BUT - my character has not changed. I’ve made mistakes, obviously. Anyone on his side will tell you that at the forefront. I thought that I had someone who loved me and it was more than mistakes. All he had to do was look a little deeper. Be there a little longer. But no…pride sucks. I feel like I’m judging right now…but, I’ve gotta get it out, right? I’m sure everyone can relate to what I’m saying; hopefully it help someone if not just me. Isn’t that what I was put here to do? Isn’t that the dream I’ve had for 5+ years? That my story could potentially help someone else. That someone who made a terrible mistake and committed a sin, but they’re not defined by that sin. Jesus took that for me. He took that sin for ME. And you. And him. And her. Even the homewrecker. Sorry, had to. In all seriousness, I am joking . . . Salty. And that’s okay. God loves it all. The good, the bad, the ugly, right? We all know that quote? I’m more than that/those indiscretion(s). So are you, my friend. Jesus didn’t die for the person image on Facebook. . . Or the white picket fence. He died for the person who cheated (difference in cheater and someone who cheated). He died for the child who lied. He died for the person who murdered someone else. Am I right? Come on. Look at that hard stuff. It’s a zit, it’s coming out anyways. God also loves people who love the same sex; He also died for them. You people who like to point the finger at others…you know what I’m saying… Come on now, get your head out of your azz. You just wish you had the kahunas too. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Props to all my people out there who have the courage to be all of themselves. We all can learn from them.

Always remember - one finger pointing at someone else also means three pointing back at you. 👀

Stay tuned tomorrow for another blog ~ also on the T word 🙈

Xoxo A